This Oughta Get Me My Own fatwa...

 ...from my two un-PC cousins:

Two Coffees in Heaven

Having arrived at the Gates of Heaven,
Barack Obama meets a man with a beard.
'Are you Mohammed?' he asks.
'No my son, I am St. Peter; Mohammed is higher up.'
Peter then points to a ladder that rises into the clouds.

Delighted that Mohammed should be higher than St. Peter,
Obama climbs the ladder in great strides,
climbs up through the clouds and comes into a room
where he meets another bearded man.
He asks again, 'Are you Mohammed?'
'Why no,' he answers, 'I am Moses;
Mohammed is higher still.'

Exhausted, but with a heart full of joy
he climbs the ladder yet again.
He discovers a larger room where he meets an
angelic looking man with a beard.
Full of hope, he asks again,
'Are you Mohammed?'
'No, I am Jesus, the Christ;
you will find Mohammed higher up.'

Mohammed higher than Jesus!
Man, oh man! Obama can hardly contain his
delight and climbs and climbs ever higher.
Once again, he reaches an even larger room
where he meets this truly magnificent looking man
with a silver white beard and once again repeats his
question:  'Are you Mohammed?' he gasps as he is by now,
totally out of breath from all his climbing.

'No, my son, I am Almighty God, the Alpha and the Omega,
but you look exhausted.
Would you like a cup of coffee?'
Obama says, 'Yes please!'
As God looks behind him, he claps his hands
and yells out: "Yo, Mohammed, two coffees!"

Keep your trust in God;

I'm still wondering what Obie is doing in Heaven in the first place.